Misty, fondest memories

She has eyes like a california sunrise
everythign you need is right there, beauty wrapped up into one women
who says god cant get somethign right
she has aphrodite written all over her but shes a hidden gem, the best there is
she aint no hoe, thats fo sho
i remember the days
in class
dramatizing it all
lighting up, not realizing shes the only light i need for my world, a one fixture wonder
didnt knwo it, it extends
a cross dressing cheerleader is the spawn
a sexy Senator
a prized ferensicator
a friend,one that i....
i slept far too ling, i woke up late to her sounds
our mixmatched fun on my ending parade
the first kiss
in her car, her lips so sweet i was a diabetic before the end of the night
after our dance a thon
its those days that stay adn the rest becoem a blur
i have never been good with timing
but that dress she wore, purple i beleive
kissing on the couch
seeing her smile, the smile and eyes that lit/light up and melt every political matter, nuclear winter away and its only us
stadning together, thats all that ever mattered
her laugh like sound in its purest form
graduation party day was unforgetable
the suhsi set
spending the night wiht her
kissing in the basement
knowing every kiss before those were wasted

Misty

i had a dream
a dream that i woke up to a beautiful girl, one like you Misty
and it was only a dream a fantasy, because i woke up
I had a nightmare
a night terror where i never woke up next to you
i got every women in the world beside you and they all had one flaw
they weren't you.

So who's Misty
Idk. I only know one Misty, and shes from the TV show Pokemon. She is the second gym leader. But this girl is real, very real. her kiss is like drama class with a mix of cross dressing cheerleaders and a sprinkle of passing the torch. I passed my candle to her, it was always her, and i would not take it back for the world. The only world i need is hers.

I miss you

i want you so close i can hear your heartbeat
i want to be able to see your hand on my breast as my chest
goes up and down, expanding with the life and oxygen of you.
i want to slow dance with ya in an empty room
with no music playing
but our souls will be leaping and toppling

i want to slam dance with you to the sounds of Just like Juliet, and while she checks yes ill be Romeo,
ill keep the car running for a dashing escape
ill parade silently into the night
scale a balcony and risk my life
just for you
too hear your voice
see your face
all for you
and i don't know why
my heart is the puppet master and the body is just the puppeteer and ill do whatever ya say and as the master does but i know i don't mind as long its for you
what is Love
whats beauty
i don't know on the first but the second is you, the way you smile
the technique you use to pull the hair behind your ear, to get it out of your eyes
the way she walks, her bubble is expanding and it engulfs all around her, lifting all spirits at the same time

Christmas

Im seeing a white christmas
unliek the one I ahve been in
I am in a cold christmas day, enveloped all day and shivering up to my brow

Im waking up early
to try and get a look at the loot
even though im 20, nearly 21

Im seeing a white christmas, white sand is all around me

Im cold, as the fog front moves in off the ocean

I am waking up early to the sounds of children outside my bedroom window, oh so early
but i cant help but make a smile at the sound of their enjoyment. They got roller blades and there jsut having fun

Im gettin up early to go to work,
the old days of me getting up early to wake the family are fading, more real life is interjecting.

but its all good, christmas was so amazing this year, the day, the gifts, the food and the family and its not voer yet.

San Diego's 33 prez

Its going on 2 years and im speeding towards my net hoop that life is making me jump through.
Ive paid my debt of CCC and now I want to move on and get the hell out of the system thats is merely an extension of High School, i want the real deal, a 4 year college or University.
I have no idea if my path goes on in San Diego or if it curves else where?
thats where im at right now
San Diego State
Truman
or all the way back UNL

SD with all its bullshit and rules, oh how they are so high compared to any other school in the country, early deadlines, certain classes checked off by this date and not that later date, thansk counselor. thanks a flowery bunches ya bitch.

hey theres more blame so ill take that shell aginst my flesh, ya i could have doen more, but whos that picky, and why does it matter?

so the fractions are stacking against me on this sunny shore line

what about the wintery log cabin wiht friends, ya friends, what are those?
i havent had any in a while, so im losing my contact wiht humanity and im slipping in who the hell knows.
its jsut a place i dont want to be.

if i go to the 33 presidents house of operations i think ill be happier, pretty sure. have a clsoer quarters with humans so there will be oppertunity to talk and meat.
they have my majors but can i get in to such a high endowed school, will it take a 20 something white boy from cali crawling back to the place he knew so well, why did i leave runs through my mind like flashcards and in the end i had too.

i dont knwo what im doing anymore, im a shell adn im being run like the grab machine at the arcade.

i want to be back in my own body, exp life and go out every night, and still get through school wiht others trying to do the same thing, i am tired of doing it all alone, will i make my brotheres mistake or will i find the key to my brothers happiness.

god i hope its the secodn one, im tired of it out here, there are no white vans to jump into, always a 420 party going on and thats all i hear about. do they do anything else, prob not. its legit out here

hell maybe i should jsut conform and lose myself in the smoke and see my future unclear and laugh it all away, spill out my money like the organs in my body.

whats money?

the thing we all chase for, greed, sin 1, its in all of us. is it to not worry about it, pile a little debt pay it off later, work my ass off every summer, seems like a fair deal, the one Truman asked congress for, how ironic

im truman asking my congress, i need to cabnet for some help before i address em of course.

live in the moment
i fail in this msot days
i play games, and live through them
i write of others, and about life unedited
i fail to truley acknowledge the other billion people on this planet, whens that change coming, we voted for it so where is it

a comm major afraid to talk
a communicative disorder major, afraid to talk

which makes more cents?

Im playing me some ski ball!!

i play with the world's economy like I'm in an arcade.
I'm popping quarters into the game and out spits the tickets
I'm playing Space invaders and The Political Agenda
I'm destroying the NBA with my skillz in basketball and I'm recking world records for the fastest
I shoot planes out of the sky like a children dream boats, and they sinking like the Titanic
The fight for survival has begun but no one is really playing
we all go bout our daily tasks, whether in peace or war
its the same for the common man

why cant we all get along, maybe just enough to not NUKE this one planet over culture and peoples nerves. its all a silly game, lets work in harmony and play tough but lets live semi side by side, maybe we need the ocean to separate us, putting us in different corners like teachers use to do.
its a free world so lets hug it out and get along with our business
why do we have more ways to destroy humans that we do talking to em
hell if i know
I'm sick of it
I'm tired about hearing about the body count stacking up for some other country pissing contest of who's who.
let em decide, and if they want to cross a line that we set for em, then we bitch slap em into submission.
deal or no deal

we could do so much good but we take a dive into the shadows and evils that humans cant resist,.............

Is this my attitude because I'm an American, or does the world share this view?
i Hope its the second view, because its the better of the 2, and it means I'm not alone, i hate being alone, but the ironic part is that I have never been more alone in my life. We all do, so what to do,...........

Whats next?

Whatever will happen next?

Will i fly?
when will i discover the treasure?
Will i die?
what will happen to my body?
is the water cold, will i drown?
will i have the courage to make the leap of faith?

I dont know, and I never will know, none of us will.

thats the problem wiht dreams, they dont continue into the next night liek a picture book, though many of us wish they did.
i sure do sometimes, though my dreams are far from and farther apart.
for me its like a chapter a month, very far apart. how i long to have a story develop in my mind and then i repeat it in words to my blog for the world to imagine.
and oh how they roads could stretch forth from all the variant directions that we as humans take adn bring to the table.
there will be a spin on my dream to your life and then new stories will be renewed in the ashes like the bird of fire.

Routine

Routine, muscle memory
can really suck. yes this is another negative rant on how i am on a break and still i can unable to sleep in. Maybe its becasue i am use to waking up early, i am getting enough sleep or perhaps its the wet dog in my bed. That i have to lift into my bed every morning, that might be one of the many causes. oh well, maybe i dont need the rest, i guess i can start my day early and try and be productive.
also, i lvoe my dog, hes a pretty ballin pug.

but to routine, my ipod touch died last night so when i awoke this morning i felt incomplete in chunk by the fact that i always check my email and facebook from the touch.
i felt almsot victumized that i ddint do something at the start of my day, bc i still am waiting on a final paper to be graded so i keep eagerly checking that out and my hopes again and again are being shot down by teh "airborn toxic event." yes, the paper was on Don Delillo's White Noise, not a bad book. It kept my interest and it wasnt as fucking depressing as our previous books, dicated to read. it was random and a bit weird, like me. lol

the first 2 books were so weird, and sad, Lolita and Reading Lolita in tehran.
not bad books but the subject matter always brought me down, and im a pretty level person and even a happy person, so i was kept tethered to teh ground for a while.

ill start something new/borrow an idea
Question of the day, or of the blog

whats your routine that you cant stop or one that you want to start?

run in the wet park

cool air surrounds me as i go out on a drive in a BC age car.
im in luck for i cant see my breath but the air has an edge to it and thats what make it perfect.
so as i make my leaps and bounds i gain ground adn momentum, and my first dash is a great one.
but when was the last time
you sat on a park bench and let the world become your tv?

you sat on a swing and feel the rush of the wind as you gained speed and got higher and higher, ya i bet its been awhile.
its almsot liberating to be at a park, alone. it brings a serentiy to you
then the sound of your feet as you land in the sand as you fly off

the walk home brings curious sights, a little boy walking his doeg wiht his sister, holding a gamestop bad, prob for another sibling but maybe for a parent.
sleating rain hits my face as i approach the last straightaway, i wipe my face before my last dash.
key slides in doors, and i hit the inside of the door and bend over, not tired, releived and energized in that mad run away way.

Death equilivant

Trying to fall asleep is like death
when your not tired it feels likfe forever till sleep creeps on ya
your on the brink but laying there, eyes clsed, wrapped in blankets head face down feel like your forcing something, like trying too hard. with only your breathing to keep you company you never know when
your waiting for something that may or may not come, and its all too reminscent of death.
you know its there, its out there, around every corner, under every street, every step you walk could be your last but most of the time it isnt.
you may be thinking your Superman but your more of a Clark Kent
(sorry, i cant do 4 yous in a row)
its out there, it always is,
that stained breath in the middle of July,
a cough of blood,
the hair standing up on the back of your neck, its him. its all him. he watches over us, like god but wiht less love and more of a mandatory need.
so sleep soundly and peacefully knowing hes there but know your time,
he will reap when clock ticks zero, not a second before.
hey, least your never alone.

Run Wet n Free

A weekly garbage take out escalates to a rush
the winds whipped about me, lightyl and gently, the temp def above freezing and yet they had that tinge of chillness to them which i greatly approve of.
and the rain was coming down, only one God was crying, it was light like a sprinkle but it was a bit more.
Im sorry to smile while others cry but it was too perfect, i strolled the can to the curb, then i wiped my drizzled face wiht a semi dry sleeve, just like i would in the bathroom, after splashing water on my face.
and it brought the same rush, a new feeling, a freshness that only the water can bring.
so i wiped my face then i stared up at the sky, knowing it should be dark but i can clearly see the shopping center over the trees and houses, illuminated by there mass of light, it was a light, like the sun falling from the sky, jsut without all the passion.
so i soaked up some of the sprinkles and i took off, not like a rocket but at a jog, and i went round the circle of house that encrusted our neighborhood
i didnt stop till i was on the straight away to my house and i didnt catch my breath, for it was always wiht me and it was mere seconds before i took off and ended at the house, locking the gate behind me.
every step i took echeod in the water puddles and evrything seemed so unreal, it was a silent night save my footsteps and the rain, nothing stirred, save for the mouse.

bamboozled

the title says it all whoever is reading this.

finals are done
no early classes
no school till late January

so what do I do?

How do i configure my body to stop wakin up at 8?
is there a switch?
is so, please contact and let me know, it is much appreciated.

But back to the main problem
as i lay in bed trying to plan my day, thinking of things that i need to do, my mind is an empty as the other side of my bed.
its so weird to have nothing you NEED to do.
an entire semester i always had to do something, whether it be math, math, comm, english or a bit of poly sci and to drop it all at the door and walk into a house of freedom is as complex as quantum physics yet as simple as a leave blowing top the dance of the wind.
what do i do in this sitch?

Thanks, BM

lines etched into glass
scratches made with credit cards reflect a blur from quick and precise motion
sweeping swipes, like widened brooms that sweep up all the dust and particles
a vacuum in their space, a black hole that appears green.
inhalation and bodies tossing back dirty blond hair, wild in the air as it lands on the couch in a heap
waiting
waiting the rush
they trickle their way into the bloodstream, hit the brain
rush meets expectations
and the dance lights come alive and speak to you in foreign tongues
you stare bug eyed at the wonder of the world
suits see em as scum, scum sees em as normal.
do druggies see the world better than the norm?
Do they have a certain appreciation that we, the mass, seem to lack and grasp?
After all Nature is suppose to be beautiful and if you can see that beauty more vividly then isn't that a wonderous act itself?
Wouldn't that be like a religious man looking and seeing heaven, letting it sink in, taking in the beauty, and loving it so much more.

The world through different eyes is still the world.

The world will never change but your own perception will change everyday, so who do you trust, the world or your own eyes?

College Finals

I crash at midnight knowing my first final is in less then 10 hours, whatever, big deal.
as my head hits the pillow and i slide into REM sleep a test stirs me from my bearish slumber, its Johnny, asking what time the final is.
930
yes I'm sure
and i realize its 6 30 in the fucking morning, what the hell. why is he up even. uggg
so i flip and bury my face into my pillow and drown everything things out and i go on to have some dream about peppermint ice cream, so weird considering My favorite kind is cotton candy.
so 730 rolls around, i get up, and put Rocky, my puggie, in my bed for his morning bath and jump in the shower. when I'm done i make breakfast which usually is a sign the world is ending because i don't eat much less make food in the morning hrs. but the egg and juice was good none the less.
i check the time, 815, so I have a good 30 mins to study and leave.
i collapse into my brown chair, the same one that i am typing this from
random
and go over the principals of group communication, all 50 terms and theories, I go line by line to reading the page over adn over again. I look at the time and
holy tomatoes batman, its 858 and i need to brush my teeth and drive there, so i do all that and veer out the door, run to my car and as i drive to school, behind the slow car and hitting every light i ponder this,

would he believe me if i told him the reason i was late was because i was studying??
all my senses tell me, hell no, but if all else fails.
i pull into school and realize the parking lot is drastically reduced and almost scary but i am still in time so i take a breath, exhale and repeat for the rest of my life.
915, i walk to class and talk amongst my group about our presentation and how unfair it was, the teacher is just casually sitting up front, hes a awesome guy,
930 boom da boom its time
but not just yet, he wants us to go over the semester and help him become a better teach, so as we talk for 30 mins the test answers r slowly sliding out of my brain and waltzing out the door, yes these answers can dance and also tango for a set price.
but we finally get to it he give his warning

if i see/hear your phone it will be gone. if its a beep, or vibrate you will get a 0.
if you want to avoid that, just bring it up here and its a safe zone, it can do whatever and you will be fine.
So me being smart and not wanting to fail a 200 point test, turn my phone off and take the battery out. ha ha beat that bitches.

almost the entire class empties their pockets of their tru loves, and they all hit that table with a dull thud, weighing in on all our lives.

test commences and we are all bust concentrating than it comes on, this song

and my response is hell no, i don't want you, Mrs. Test. I want a legal divorce and i want the kids and you can have the pain. but tit just blares out and its a very legit awkward silence as we consider the song. and then it comes, from the grave
my phone starts ringing, extremely loud, oh no.
The teacher comes and takes my test and wont believe me when i show him my phone and battery, in separate hands. I'm falling down and i cant get up.

I wake up, i am on my floor with a blanket around me, and my dog looking down at me like WTF, and it hits me, I had a fucking nightmare about a test.
My 730 alarm clock goes off, my dog barks and I silence the beeping.

Smells

The smell of an everyday object can have such a interesting flashback.
and some of your fav smells can be the worse for you or your health and memory.
the smell of cigarettes and mint gum and wraped up in the memory convusing ex.
the smell of a freshly cleaned jacket, but it remind you of something, nto the flowery meadows liek tis suppose too but the same ex, and her house. all those years ago, the tiem spent and lives lsot. but id never take it back, never ever.
fresh cut grass reminds me of the open air, not closed in cities.
the aroma of fresh cookies, or sweet candy or cotton candy at school
brigning me back to the girls i use to and longed to chase.
the perfume on the neck, laced wiht drugs that i dotn know the names of, that call to me, bring me forth to a maze halfway across the world

No one

No one sees her
nobody sees her dance down the halls through with no ipod in, just her imagination motioning her body
or the way she twirls her pen when she gets stuck on a problem
the way she dances at school organized functions, all random and choppy but harmoniously
or all the silly things she does at parks, like taking the swing for a ride, like we all did before we could drive and thought of life entered us
no one knows that she has glasses. she thinks she looks funny but she has a Liberians sweetness to her, a serenity that cascades over her body like a billowing rapid, shes angelic.
but has a klutziness to her that humanizes her in that godly way.
a female titan among men, among the same souls that hold her back from full filling who she is, a leaders in disguise as a cheerleader, dancer and chess player.
she debates her weekends away rather than forgetting her action like a sorority sister.
she prefers gems that are common yet capture the world in their light, but she is a diamond in the rough capturing eyes of men and women, the twinkle of recognition in us all, the war we will never win but no blood will be shed fore no one truly ees her for who she is.
no one sees the faces she makes in the mirror, or the impersonations she does, the stern teacher, a dramatic prose or a dying monologue but she is far from it all, she is live, she is imbued with it and enchanted with the spirit of the living. a being protected by a force shield from the dead and any ill wishes. shes the one
that we will turn too, the one in charge
she paints you a picture of a different girl when you see her at school but she appreciates all life. she says you cant appreciate life living off a water and yogurt diet, as she snacks on a large chocolate shake, no one sees that side. she lives healthy but has fun, whats the use of it all if ur going to hurt yourself and just end up dying. so live it up, she walks among the parking lot and vies the world through the emerald pools, and smiles at stranger and glances back as a little girl is carried by her mom cries for her dad to stop speeding off with her sister in their only wheelchair, she yells it 3 times and the parents smile and laugh, and her sister glee's in delight as she picks up speed and is trashed by the wind, its the small things that make the puzzle pieces of life.
your my inspiration for writing, your my everyday rainbow that shines brightly and clears my windshield of life so i can no longer see the dirt, but only the good, like you do.
teach by example and they will follow.
she doesn't want others to know she has a sister, she loves, adores and envies her older sister.
her older sis is better than she will ever be, the prodigal sister as it were, the star that shines bright in their parents sky.
the apple of their eye, or whatever fruit, she actually prefers raspberries, something a slot sweeter
just like her, i have heard her kiss is like taking a bite out of raw sugar cane, so sweet and addicting, it leaves you wanting more like that dessert the restaurant that was just too small
but they will never know a piece will never suffice, never ever.
the whole cake is better than any slice, to know her as a whole is priceless compared to your 15 mins of fame with her
but she is not a star of Hollywood but a star of my world
the only one in my entire universe
I'm just a poor schmuck and shes queen of the world, or soon to be
no one knows her dance moves are made up
or she shops discount store for her clothes, but she wants to own a nightlife collection of swanky attire, but she will never change, Kohl's and target will always do, its what worked up to this point. she accessories with rings, watches, necklaces and earring that look coach but the price tag screams Macy's.
shes a world of sexified contradictions and she flaunts it and makes it look good, so good in face the school paper is having a fashion week after her, and a yearly thing in the book, just all for Little her.
she a VIP but her name is unknown, she smiles and gets in
her smile steels my heart to the point, and her face glows like the aftermath of war but no destruction has or will ever touch her body.
she plays sinfully but the angles will adore her for ages to come,
she moves extempersouly around the dance floor as her dress moves spastically around her well endowed tanned thighs, due to its tightness pressed to her own body. the lights are blazing like a fire, roaring up and down and left to right but
she is the only person with a halo around her figure
her curls bouncing and swaying
in a slow motion fashion, shes a screen shot flashed over and over again, every shot is better than the last but still as perfect and equal as the first.
when she walks into a camera on somebody elses the picture will come out fuzzy and blurry
cept save for her, she will be as clear as the day, after a morning rain washed out last night grub.
when she moves it rains glitter, all sparkly it remind you of a fairy tale and a happy ending
with Mr/Mrs charming
i want to know that feeling
she wants to know the feeling too
no one asks her to dance, there all too scared
they will be rejected
her boyfriend will beat em up
(she's single)
someone already asked
none of the above qualify, she goes the club, hits em up and drinks her cosmo with ehr girls who dance regularly with strangers
all she wants to do is dance
she just wants someone to ask her, anyone
she is not shallow, she sees the beauty in anyone
no one sees her cry
I do. i see her as she was meant to be seen. i see her like the God made her, like he saw her in all her shining light and all i have to say is
"would you care to dance my dear?"

Paths

i was on the ground, and it was paved before me. freshly layed down upont eh soft earth, and i was destined to walk the line adn put up with the bullshit
plans change
people change
life has its own path despite our silent please.
now walking on the soft earth, slipping under foot, like the sands of time. lying down beneath me and stretching forth till my eyesight cant reach it
now im at mr frosts fork in the road
undecided
undetermined
and wiht time slip, slip slipping away
the rest of my life will be made at this junction
i cant fail my future self
i need to make the right choice
but how
how can a lesser self pave the way for the older adn wiser self of the futre
its unheard of.
how can a youngling tell the adult what to do, knowing the child is right. theres no fighting it

lost

im losing my mind
im losing it all
im walking the plank, stadning on the edge
looking back, willing myself not to jump but my body cant hear my cries
over the sound of the roaring ocean below, the ocean of addiction
the tube can suffice anymore
i need to be inside, manipulating,
the watcher on the outside of the glass no longer hold me down
the abrs are bending by his will, the roar of his thousand age cry of anger and hate
if we could only build better prisons this would not be happening
im fodling and the pot is my life
i need my secret agent,
the one that is ageless
i need nov 2 to arrive
its so close but the veil is weakest
its so thin, its like nylon
i can see it all being played out
the changes are pretty whack
the friends ridign the thunderhorn
it rises inside of me but i cant, i know it

Ashes

and thusly it was reborn from the ashes,
like the phoenix
burnign brightly in the nihgt
stained wiht the blood of victums
as their screams fill the air
the shadow withe the white face slashes his way back into history
introducing new reles
making his predosessories look like children in the sand.

knife is the only weapon
fear is his only whisper
the guardian to my cage
the one i fear
the one we all fear
his rogue looks vanish into the night only to reappear behind us

rain

chill clouds form and hover about
tears are swelling,
and it comes
god cry.
not simpleten tears, but stinging tears, and slashing rain
erruptions form adn crisis is at the top of the agenda
someone is sad above
Zeus made another one cry, and now their pain trickles down to us
its as if we ahve never seen it before
like we have never felt the rain on our bare skin
the cold as it sinks into our bodies and threatens the soul
we do crazy things, stupid things
like its a hurricane, but the rain is barely more than a sprinkle, but when you go 80 it seems more than that.

childhood illusions

realistic truths come crashing down around me
i take out my contacts
its just a lopsided love seesaw
and mine hit the ground and i awoke wiht a snap and a crack
but its the story of my lvie
im born to be alone for a long tiem but maybe thats why im here
to make the third wheel, the fifth wheel
her, least im good for something
but i can do solo all by myself

whats left over, on the inside, theres more. i know there is

2 opposits that make the equation balanced
level but not level headed
rocking the rocker on its heels, and maybe a little bit off the groud
eyes like diamonds, yet more mysterious and past
dance moves that steal the moons gaze for her pown personal spotlight
a dance all her onw, not yet pattened
(he hates his life, how)

[how can it be]
{fair ainrt got nothign to di with it, maybe luck but prob not}
well we are back
hips that sway adn a voice that cracks glass
like stars falling in the midnight air
it all hangs still around you
gravity being me in to you
till our atmosperes collide into a supernova

Misty

the voice over a miracle line
shes reborn from ashes and thus is reveived from former into self
heads poking above ground party in the pool of blue, rimmed with a hug.
always the smiel in the distant creating another.
making my day infinitly better,
its the simple things that can make life worth it
a phone call
talking to a friend
suprising someone you care about
or D.
The rogue D, the one you always take and know you shoudl take.
the middle of a test, reading the question and knowing the answer before its finished in your mind its the one, the raspberry among the strawberry
the bamboo hidden wihtin the maze eecheoed with high bushes as walls, towering.
conquering, hacking and burning for the love
the treasure in the middle
its not a game
but
its a race
and when your last you do what you have to do, but cheating never crosses my crosswalk of a mind.
i crossed dressed for you
the parellel lines become perpendicular and sloped interpreted to us by equation

Haiku

The pine grows, the smell
swells as it's “leaf” twitters to
the ground, annoying.

Dawn falls from the tree,
landing gently, imprinting the
cement and staining time.

Breath stained, collar tight, white.
White all around like dancers
beckoning us in

the winner

trap em in a room
lay down the rules
no more lies
no more demeaning

stadn for what you try to personify
what you say, embody it
stop covering the shadows up
stop sweeping it under the rug
the middle supports you, the high prescribe to you
they need you, they both do

1 gun
no rules
the winner loses
the loser wins

end of this story,
its no cinderella
that dress dont fit these fat liers
it never has adn never will
not even in death

the truth is lies adn the lies are lies

blank

not as dumb as a doorknob
but not as sharp as a tack
but yet i can still draw blood

im undefined
unmolded
yet im in the middle of the road

moldable. i get concepts from the far reaches
undecided on a path
is that my destiny?
am i that unknown

Ill be the defintion of a blank slate
the epitmy of a renisance man
ill be who i am.

Da buzz

riding on the 60 buzz
going back and forth
being blocked at every angle

around the curve
reaching the speedlimit

the signs above me
i drop it, 30
rounding it off at 40
same thing
different day

soaked sheets

ringing in the new year is the prohibitions dream come true
the soaked sheets coem through the hole in the sky, dripping and stained with the bottle n a half
weighing a ton more than they should, making a path all the way to the washer
the smell rising higher n higer
im gettin intoxicated,
trippin over my own shoes,
smacking the table wiht my knees
becomign the Captain of the laundry room
nothing too celebratory there of course
bottle shattering over bottles, bottle caps slicing flesh
mixing red wiht the sheets
cussing adn chanting rythme together
and down it sinks, deeper adn deeper into ur system till its all its own creation
conbtroling your body, fears and emotions, liekt he puppeteer who cried at
the atheists funeral
the puppeteer who cried as communism fell
and shattered.
the old man crippled adn decaying in the vast emptyness that was his theatre, his nature adn manhood all crumbling like the berlin wall.
now sleep my little drama kidd, sleep and let the bombs adn gunfire rock you to sleep

jane is

jane is hacking the 19th amendment.
all the victums shes made now she is oen herself.
pinned to the ground by her own sickness is her own fault.
why cant people be alone?
why do some girls crave guys like they crave air, not for love nor lust but for a solid pillow at night.?
there really sticking it to independence, but hey after all we all cant be liek the movies.
so this is my goodbye to jane.
a girl once respected liek the gun
a girl who could bring the crowd of boys to her now she cant get the captain of the chess team.
a body that rivaled models and miss universe but now...self esteem kncoked down...literally....by the boy of "her dreams" now is the fist to the gut..
the hand to the face, but he loves her, hwo could she ever leave him.
really now, think about it ladies and gentlemen
now where were we
of ya of course
lets go on with this the hell verson of a disney movie
punching bags taking the smacks and punches till the boxer cant raise his arema no more, so sleep it off child till the sun rises again,.
to the new beginings, start early adn preach to urslef, no one wants to hear.
now paly that instrument, youll always get better, never worse
now im toastign outside your weeding bc im never allowed in, the best mans and his guards never will let me utter a word, even though it only be congratulations.
stealing the moment for truth as the curtain draws on confrontation, truth is spilled liek the wine, tears cried and the maid of hoinor walks out with the truth embracer, dancing in midnight rains and expresing ti all, laughing the moon cycles away.
the end.
feeling emotion less as she stande by as the text is received adn the cards ripped, years have they been preserved, nothign was done. she cared but didnt. shes a changed women and not even a women a girl who wants more and bigger thigns but settles for whatever she can clinge too, the endign youd expect wiht hemingways shotgun funeral.
no pun intended, or maybe it was. but alas its the ending for 2, not one, as the crippled man whi thought he was weighed down by the state, now can rise and do......nothing

Silence

the wordless, motionless scene has laped over the wekk adn the transfer of words makes minimal seem liek an outrage. going down that path is part unknown, force and scared adn lazy. its the ingredients to make the perosn typeoing these words over again. past games re-surface adn play among the world of the living and the dead. games taking the place of real life interactions. not wanting the results of i dotn know better. or maybe im just making exuses to try adn maek myself feel better, pointing the finger until im left wiht nothing adn me, which argues and spurs the debate of is there a difference sometiems. it waries from time, am i passionate, rarely if at all. i try adn get by wiht my tiem, do my tiem and get out to what i want or think i want. it can never be easy for me, i make it hard adn i fall and stumble till i learn.

vaction starters

i can give you nothing more than what i am. i was a man yesterday, im a man today and ill be a man tomorrow. yesterday i was misinformed than i am today. im smarter than i was. Now im jsut stadning before you. and ill b the man u want tomorrow. to take the neccesary steps 2 b the leader you need.

90 degrees
the ehat rising higher adn higher never ending, no end in site. stillness settles over the yeards. its broken by the slightest of breezes which brings wiht it peace adn calmity.

i want to throw my stereo at the wall adn scream at the tops of my lungs at a canyon. maybe my words will echeo off adn bounce back adn hit me wiht what i have said

stepped on

being stepped on
walked on
dont got nothing on getting pierced
on losing weight and feeling
your pace decrease as u walk.
no more can you be proud but you slink in the shadows

40th day ends in a nuclear winter

kill him or kill ur partner


sacrafice.
its the name of the end.
do it or make ur own path. it comes down to a choice and if u have a strong enough mind to bear the weight of 7 million lives.
i could, can you?

hiding within holes to prevail over the light, preparign for the worst adn then the realization of tiem smacking us adn the fun and youtube mixes.
the inability to decide what you want from life sucks so much.
i want to live it to the limit and further. too long i have been in the shadow, too long i have been benched.
too long i have never touched the water.
no more
ill be cannoning ball in.
running at full speed vs half.
going to live not die
shedding the past adn growing into the future.

gangstas vs mobs

in the modern age they call me mr. Your just boys with no names,with no birth certificates.
Im invested and worth a mill, ur cracked out and aint worht a bill....dollar that is.
I got a case and your lonely with ur waistband
My pants are tailored your sag down low
we have suits worth more than ur house on slander street
My spins dont spin but i got crystal rims
im organized, you need re-assembling son.
i hit it up, you knock it down.
remember that boxer you low jacked, ill be comendearing my ride back and bust ur 4 door pos up

Pokelove

A re-uniting tie

the flight path payed and paved
a mere few hours
who would have thought that man could have gone so far.
now lets march on this grave hidden earth of ours.
the re-uniting of the fiancée and her well owner, taking pretty care of his first and only but never last.
over stretching, hyper tending, thats the sight i saw in kc. tryin to pull off more than it could deal with, especially in the rush of summer heats.
feeling unsecure as the driver goes forth, fearing the rape of nanking returning to just me.
the trivial seems like an obstacle until he felt the need to bro it up.
popping the collar and listening to Jack Johnson, wait whoaaa take the musical taste back. if that was real then i would have walked in 90 degree bare chested.
not the case so i could ride within her and feel safe.
hugs from the parents of a different state
my eyes swirling around in the sockets,
seeing whats new
and whats familiar
all a feeling of content
laughter lost within the vials of heat, disgust and confusion.
our savior
the legendary legend @ legends. alas we r not lost but found we are.
dressed to the 7's, drop dead gorgeous
all 3 of us
riding third wheel seems all too normal for me.
never a problem with the solution. it always add up right anyway you divide it
twins and sex and noises that i swore came out of a decked out machine.
turn the vibrator up to 11 and lets rock this place now and forever. its only you her and me.
lets break all the rules, defy the Starbucks hours and logg some more of our own. sex in a car, one going shirtless, comfortable.
no one questions the fact
we all are too safe and soundly fine
singing the lyrics of truth and happiness,
intertwined at the stick
late night kisses fading into the high end hookers dress folds
going tie less was a choice regretted but alas, another time for young lovers and their adventures. a never ending chapter in love.
feeling the weight of a tired day on an awake boy.
slowly sleep creeps upon thy body until the predators stirs.
fitful episodes come and go, a night with SPIKE is a uneasy one indeed.
Sunday morning peaks

Stuttering

CLICK

commence op coco

flying from the cornfields, balancing the difference, never upsetting the force.
seeing from ur minds eye, it enver being the reality of the matter of factly.
the sun coming up
running for the coast is never ending
birthday candles are blwon out, smoke billowing up around the lady
wishes never comign tru
last chances passing as waves
never tuned
always out of shock
plug the cord in
and let them in
emotions nrising higher adn higher
crashing into planes
causing destruction
always on tiem, never early but always too soon
late is never the option
stop looking at the hourglass, ur done and out of sand
there no way to get it back, no way to fill it up
so let it in
breath slowly
steam rising
temperature getting higher
clouds falling like fluff
smakcing the ground liek a wet towel
the sky is falling
ash surrounding

musical timeline

-Smash mouth- walking on the sun
My first true band that I started to really listening to. I have no idea what started me on them, but I liked them and still do, they were also my first concert here at the fair a few years back.
-Los Lobos with Antonio Bandera’s
I grew up watching movies with my dad and brother, who’s 6 years older than me, so naturally
we watched material that was for a mature audience. I was and still am a very open person so instead of finding my own tunes to call mine I just borrowed my dad’s stuff and listened to it.
-Kill Hannah- Unwanted
The start of my true path a musical notes, was introduced to the video by my friend as we debated over a lol topic. This type of music caught me for a few reasons, friends listened to it and I really enjoyed it, all of it from the instruments to the words.
-Senses Fail- Bloody Romance
The background tune to our trip to Texas, every embedding us with this genre, for it’s always a reliable back up for some, going back to your roots.
-From First to Last- Note to Self
A blast to your ears from all directions. Sunny was an amazing vocalist but too bad he was too good, he hurt his vocal cords and had to be replaced, the price of being fantastic.
-Treble Charger- American Physco
It was consuming me, I never knew what this band was until a friend found it and it turns out that they are a Canadian band, and you have probably heard the song but never knew it.
-He is Legend- China White II
The mixture of screams and bare vocals compel one to enjoy the tunes of our so called southern death band. They helped us illustrate the time between the card games, which we played relentless.
-Paramore- Pressure
A great band with tunes you couldn’t refuse, but this band holds more memories that one would think. Junior year, first crowd surfing experience and many more that don’t come to mind.
-Basshunter- any. Take your pick.
First real techno band and he’s amazing, he can do amazing things with hit tools. It may be in a foreign language but that has never mattered, for music is a universal language.
-Lil Wayne- Prom Queen
Spring senior year we needed a change and what a way to go out of the school other than listening to rap. This alone can let the world in on how we changed, we swore we would never listen to rap and here we are finding as much as we can.
-Nickleback- How you remind me
Heard it on the radio one day and I never did get it out of my head. There lyrics are always fun and really relatable.
-Lily Allen- The Fear
Hot topic, what else is there to say? They always have the music stand to sample the tunes and a checked this girl out and she made me laugh and it was just some awesome songs. HT is a great place for music sometimes.
-Frank Sinatra-any.
I had to really make the point that the music I listen to is random and crazy like me. Picked him up finally after all those years of watching csi, the whole rat pack and everything. It eventually got to me and now if I need something chill I turn to Frank.
-Akon- I’m So Paid
Another great friend recommendation, and of course a story goes behind it but I won’t dwell upon that. He was so convinced that he had found the next big thing for us to listen to and he was right. A great many styles comes out of this man, with so many different artists backing him up.
-Sixpence none the Richer- Kiss me
Simple, perfect 90s song. It’s the definition of those ten years, and of me. I’m a very 90s kid, whatever that may mean but this song just is the icing on the cake because it appears in so many of the movies at that time so it just hits home for me. So many of the movies I watched had this in it so this song and I just became attached many years later when I was looking back. It’s still a top song of mine and always will be.

rrr-representing

Represent, representing, to represent, what’s it all mean? What do I represent?
Noah
20
5’7’
June
Gemini
Does this represent me? No these are the facts that make me up randomly. They are mixed and matched to compose the being you see before you, just the details to the much larger picture.
Writer
Plays video games
Addict
Music
Stutterer
These are the facts that tell the tale of Noah Smith, the bits of the puzzle that is. They piece together to form the man/boy, depending on the day. The writing I grace upon the paper or keyboard tells the world what I’m thinking and or feeling, what’s going on in the jumbled head of mine. All addicts tell stories, it lets the world in on their worst moments and it pushes the person to the edge where anything is possible. We learn what their weakness they have, and why they choose such a thing to never get rid of. Music can really let you in on a person, are they varied or do they stay straight to a certain genre, it’s a background rhythm to their mind.
Stuttering, as I write this I do believe I represent this. I was a case which my parents knew it would never be easy, it would take time. For me 11 years or so in therapy, and this does not include the school therapist, the minutes turned into hours as I spent my time in a room talking, rehearsing tactics to make my speech easier. Easier to who, the rest of the world or myself, was I doing it for them or was it all me? At first it was for them, so I could get my thought out to the general public, but after a point, it was me, all me. I was bund and determined to break the bars of my cage, and do and say whatever I wanted. Not when it was convenient for my mouth, for me, it started in seventh grade. My English teacher was talking to us about presentations and how if we go first we set the bar high for the rest of the class, and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past six or so years, making that bar untouchable. By the time we moved around the country a few times I was still having trouble but it was getting their slowly and struggling, so by freshmen year of high school, our second to last move I enrolled in speech class, debate for the rest of you. Mrs. Mick said shed help me and make sure I was all set, I don’t have any idea where this debate urge came from but I went with it. So I started with the fun side of it, prose and such and by the end of my four years I was giving 8 minute speeches every weekend. I was doing play productions in front of a potentially filled auditorium. Stuttering was still there all the way but I tossed it in the back seat of my life and handled the wheel for the first time, never letting it slow me down.

world of warcraft

pugbite, rimpianto, colisses, lodead

the list of names that line the headstones

one by one they fall.
to an addiction.
im done wiht it finally. never going back. you cant make me, it aint going to happen like that. its made a mockery of my life wiht tis mocking blows, but its over. almsot 2 years done and almsot 2 years that never coming back, ill miss em but hey it didnt mess up my life too bad, or maybe it did.
it cost me women, fights, negoatiating, loss of experience and oppertunitys that i wanted but couldnt bring back, but ill rimpianto.

being consumed from a force you cant touch is fighting a foe you have never see adn never will, like running wild in a blizzard.
this is my declaration, i am done and it was a waste. addictions hurt but withdrawls are swooping on me. clawing at me, but now i have a hole in me thats never going to be filled, its been constant since the tipping of the halo and the fight for your life and drowing in the lack there of money. no words will ever be able to depict the fight inside and out of me thats been building, the hatred.

duty

waiting in the pen like sheep
listening
whispering of our fates
living in our own space
till the voice forces
reading
waiting
eating, eating what could
be hazardous to the neighbor
even breating it on them
could spark a controversy thatd stall the herd.
all sucked into
no escaping
lack of air
no space
cant breath
wings cant stretch

the golden coast shines
bright wiht its dullest spots
its evil
that dare not speak its name

potential

hey there
im just in school, the institute of life and im jsut trying to graduate and get through it all with you. im majoring in you and minoring in us.
i want to know everything aobut you, start to finish lectures with you, about you.
i want to know your history, what makes you, who you are. how your the answer to all my equations. how i cant get you outta my head, maybe im crazy and if i am, then maybe i want no medicine for if thats it, then ill stay criminally insane. if thats what it takes, hey hey there
dont come another step wiht that white jacket.

notes from a nameless face

from the observation deck,
women, hips on hands, waiting for husband to climb to the top where she awaits, hand in his, love.
a dogmatic dog march, to the left adn to the right.
freshmen wiht no gear steeple down

the 4th generation couple,
step down

the 30s, trying to stay fit but loving eachother and the view.

joggers outfitted use water as weight, buidling muscle in every place, wiht the outift of multipurpose.
starting couple sits side by side poitng out yonder, nestled together.
opposite outfit sass walk commences among the grains of time.

few acknowledgments go on, the male head nod
the women starring at teh moving women, judging, accepting, and or denying.

golden dogs puch on, minis feel inclined to sniff it all.

golfer pants, wait, scratch that, pajama pants ascend from nearby house, as if if he needed a better view.
once again minis choose where to go, this time against a pregnant purple.
water connected in a very spherical manner. coaster runs between 2, straight line.
humans, circle head observers.
its what s us.
when it passes by it brings no ocean smell, just the smell of demise, our own.

fellowship

just to get high-nickelback

the lack of the drug, lack of the euphoric
feeling inside is the thing i miss the most.
one on one, taking it all in
all the highs as well as hittign the ground of reality to pull one up, slap him adn get him going...again
wow, we were always there and i knew it but never realized it till i had none.
the circle growing stronger and mighty, never capable of stopping till we declare. each person
rising higher in their respective seat of power.
for we see the world from angles different
we know more than we let on, we discuss more than the average fellow species.
theres more to these books that the front cover adn the back summary, let that entice your taste,
now come on on, we dont bite

standing

id come for you-Nickleback

im standing
im stadning in the middle
im standing in the middle of a trianlge, thats spinnign around and round.
i watch each corner as it goes by and coems around again.
each corner hold a different path, all ending in happyiness, but each one offers a diff
way to get there,
with different obstacles.
im a man
wiht troublebearing thoughts
that weigh me down,
truth being revelant
it comes out in sparkles
but the player lacks the ability to block the voice in his head.
the devil
and
the angel
on each shoulder
constantly there, nagging me to go to their side.
each balance weights differently in my hand, pros vs con vs time.
the hourglass ever dropping grains of sand on the dying man

words

neyo-so sick

words require no lights
no witnesses
just the ablity to comprehend and to see what the other is saying
can be more complicated than msot think
soem people you can read liek a book, oh so predictable
others you dont want to put that book down for tis too dam interesting.
other you need a magniyfying glass jsut to see the words and you need a satelite to read in between the lines only to find there so blunt there notihng there.
and in a case liek mine, ive very difficult to read
everyone complaisn about it and it pesters the ones closest to me.
they have this illusion that they need to know what im feeling but aw well maybe they do. oh well
maybe im jsut bad in communicatign what i feel but i am a stone face when it comes to it, soemtiem
not a poker face for i have none fore i laugh too much
or not enough
laugh people, like now
but im just unreadable, countless people that were once close to me have dropped this ntoe in the complaint box.
so talk in the dark and the words are painted in bright colors adn its liek seeing for the first time.

conflicted

we all have made the choices of life
business
but the situations i speak of shall be known as them.
the decisons your mind reacts to but you heart/chest feel somthing different.
its the spliting choices that defy who we are at the time. sometiems we become patternized and always stitch the same way but others its a seesaw, going back and forth, always unpredicatable, because hell we are all human, hopefully adn our choices are half chance.
so if ur indesisive like me, grab a coin and lets be like harvey and flip at every cross, at every move, wiht the metal reflecting our life wiht unpredicatability.
your brain as logical as it appears becoems mixed and conflicted then the feelign inside your chest somewhere has thae instinct but u never know when to listen to them, both. its confusing as trig, and as simple as 1,2,3 for you know what to do, but society ahs conditioned us to reflect and with its pressure we all want to live up to it and be closer to the top, so thats when our gut turns to mush and mute, and our brains take over with tactical swat like manuevers, twisitng and gutting the business of society from the inside out jsut to get to the top and never lookign back fore to look back would to mean to unlock the door to your chest adn unleash what you ahve ran from, from what you have hiddena dn buried like the corpse but wiht isnt 6ft under, its as deep as you can get it, you bury it wiht all your force, you stand waist deep in it but you keep on loading it up and makign the stack higher so tis voice will never emerge until tis too late, the door burst off its hinges, it unleashes the forse that been cramped for far too long. the heap gets unravled adn thrown all about and this mess it not one you can hire a maid for.
the truth will stay hidden but it will emerge whetehr or not its too alte to save you but itll help by giving you 2 feathers and if u save ruself then you can build yourself a nice set of wings to fly free from whatever thsi is and hopefull perch yourself on the top, victorious and happy that you ahve washed up. so bid the old you goodbye as its dragged back into the corners of darkness.

puppeteer

all i ever wanted-basshunter

im merely a jester or a puppet on a string for others enjoyment fore i lack any joy on my own.
its a complicated process but to each his or her own
im teh puppet on the string being played wiht as the expense, people play i perform, tis the task of the truth.
but my audience is more than one, more than jsut one puppeteer controls my strings
multiples shares the strings regardless if they know it, of ever will. these strings jsut be of string nothign more till concsions are made, lines drawn and curtains closes. for the one on one show is personal and yet to be reavealed.
they live, i perform
did you knwo you had the power, i bet not so test it out
but my real master is known, or maybe not. i shall not know until all the planets allign togerther in perfect harmony.
when such actions occur everythign is know, not by words but my that moment, by that spark, by that feeling felt somewhere in your body.
my tru master string will be fabricated of love
and the links unbreakable
and as the moment of realization occurs
as the clocks strikes
the
eleventh hour it shall be know from continet
to sea what has happened.
clocks will stop, fish will freeze
and
and the heavens will bow
hell will be mesmerized by the force.
life will flow through the stings brinign me into teh world
a breath will awaken inside and ill live
for the first time
ill walk wiht purpse, ill walk hand in hand wiht purpose and love
we shall have no end in sight
only time tells, well only we tell what time will say

Fear

Miss independent=Ne-YO

the fear of the population is a double edged blade with serrated edges.
it cuts from any and all sides but if the possible ounce of pain is worth it then both sides fighting to run from it can grab it, twist it aobut adn walk away holding ahnds together.

the truth of the matter is that as scary as fear is the truth can be jsut as dangerous, that word is the key to each and everyone of our own mind, adn tis scary to truly let people know what we are all thinking.
it may cause a person to run as if in a marathron or it may bring closiness.
whatever it is the matter is that truth is the highest thing in this world and i regard it very highly, i may have problems practicing it but i hold it highly
i maybe a great liar and deceiver but i still hold truth in my left hand.
what i hold in my right is a mystery.

from a distance

as i stand on the beach looking abck to the prarie i cant help but look down to the girl who has fallen, it saddens me that such actions could repoise such a women.
never should these criminal offenses be attianed towards her, shes the queen adn im jsut the jester, never the king.
bow-rihanna

tingle

defiance
people defying eachother
their parents and god
to defy takes courage or
oppertunity
the chance that people take is the moments that bind them together,
i take no moments, never have, so i have no moments ot bind to other people
i dont advacne wiht tha tmometn bc i lack it
i ahve the moment
later.
after the fact.
i never realize it till the page ahs been turned, but if i want it badly enough
if its real
then ill fight
ill go 12 rounds and knock em out

taste

Party at a rich dudes house ke$ha

the flutter of wings
the opeing of doors
the shitting of room 506 for the last time, for now
the first step taken, now we fall
back into ourself, contemplating what we jsut did, how the hell we got by
that first year down
back to old friends
maybe they changed, maybe they didnt
there still their and the suprises are bound to be bountifull
and old emotions will come to the surface, force maybe taken and the prodicle cheater may
cont his old ways adn never get caught.
i miss her

back to the point
the only thing i tasted was my flavor lsot gum and a slushie flaveored hawain punch

Change

I want to change my life.
Simple as that.
it shall be done
No
No more
no more wow
the clocks already ticking
last card bought
jsut enough to get me through the summer adn then a fast break to pc and fc
then right before school commences for round sophmore
the deed shall be done
no more wow
school
working out
work
running
reading
writing
theater
maybe not in that order but hey, you get the picture
or i hope you do
point is
theres no wow on that list
unless you count how ripped ill get
oh wow

Truth, parents beware

the fact of the matter is that we as kids, regardless where we live (parents house, or else where) have mind of our own. Though not all our choices are sound, help us out. I dont want society damper on my life so fucking early, and it will not consume me. Ill leve by its rules but my own wants will come into play. Ill work but i will try desperatly to have a job in a theater. I know some kids who juggle 2 jobs, i thought that might work for me but it wont, im a very creative and expressive person adn i cant do that with 2 jobs and one in a theater, ironic as that is.
Parents, yes we make stupid choices sometimes but soem decsions we think about for over a week adn we still cant bring it to words, so plz dont say we dont know what we are doing, we spent a weeking pondering it, we know full well what we plan to do. All i ask, all we all ask for is some encourgment, it goes along ways sometiem, you ahve no idea. i try to do the right thing all the tiem but when im confronted with a truth such as this it breaks me donw and it becomes known on my fact even that something is firing in my brain.

is it

is it all in my head aobut this girl?
will she ever really knwo me agian?
have i been my own demise?

?where

do i stand like a statue
or
run like the wind into the warm embrace of no one
jsut
the future.
shall i ride the carisel
or
the the unocorn, mythical
so both end up no where
i walk
like a man should,
no map
no compass
notihng, cept my eyes
to guide me into teh world
wandering, trying to figure it out.
never knwoing
stumbling, yelling
breaking down
running till he cant follow you, till you lose him
and urself in the openess
false pretenses filled wiht vast missed chances
never knwoing
cants take it back
letting hims truly ahve you
heart
body
mind and
soul
its the reapers to dowith as he pleases.
limeted teim, already running out
never enough
missed chances
youll never get back
make em right eh first tiem woudl be a god
to mess up is to inherit human traits
lasting legacy or make a smile
give the chance to the future or take it away like
the human virus, greed.
watch out wars a coming
pestilence marching behind it
famine gnashing on the bones
and death bring up the reasr reaping teh reward of his brothers.
riding off into the future wiht rings, binding him
on the horses they go
4
brothers.
the tru unsoppalbe force
but we let them live in our world
we made them, we can destroy them
lol lol lol lol
lol rofl
doubtful.
they have already been deeply impanted into political scandals, into the wealthy, that dont knwo how to look down.
and us, already looking up, seeing no heling hand, letting them guide us like sheep to the slaughter. break teh fence, we are coming out.

alone vs someone

ont eh hole that is society msot women and soem guys can not stand to be alone.
am i not part of that bc im the .oooooooo1 percent that doens tneed someone their all the time, i never have. have i grown so distant from society that it doent bug me, its strange when i talk to teh women, nay, girls they say they are all mature but they cant stand to be alone. they lie caged inside their boyfriend arms, wanting out but not wanting to be alone and they can jear that i dont ahve anyoen but i can do whatever bc i dotn ahve a controling other yelling at me. they fear them so they hide and text me from the safety of the bathroom, what the hell, well their goes there women rights down the drain, all the women fought for notihng i guess, lol. i find it amusing that they cant stadn to them, but hell its not my life so ill live mine sole adn wanting but at elast i can text anyoen, if i ahd anyoen to text.

Twist of reality,

Im to preface the writing wiht, into the morning, temorary insanity, check yes, juliet, and skyway avenue

temp insan
is it real or is it fantasy?
i ahve no clue but the days of late have been blessed with a young women that i ahve the pleasuer to know for a few years and i am very confused wiht life at the moment, the craziest thought are taking aplce and i dont knwo what way is up. i wish i had my crew here to help me make heads and tails of this, i am going to go insane and burst at the seems becaue if this is real and not jsut in my ehad i will say fml and fall apart.

is it me or do i jsut fall for the women who cant catch me bc their arms are already around someone else????
i mean what the hell, is this cupid tell me i fucked every so they have forgotten me and now i must movbe on, well i say kindy flip mr lovemaker the finger and go for the women i care aobut most.
i plan on taking a trip back to the location where i truly grew up, and when i envision who im goign to hang with its a small number of people, and her. her, the girl that i havent stop thinking aobut since saturday, maybe is all maek beleive or................
hell i dont knwo. i cant make the right choice when i t comes down the love, the needs vs the want are mixed when i know what tehy are so now they are clear as the bell.
adn as usualy the bell rang late as usually wiht my heart stapled on the side, now its cracked liek the liberty bell.
being alone i can handle on select days, but whne im confronted wiht a riddle of life, i cant bc i need the bros to help me, pull me up and slap me then do something stupid wiht and it all becomes clear and i ahve all teh courage in the world, but wiht out them im jsut a superman wiht kyprtnite thats never leaves my side, im always weak, never the full man that i should be.
all bc im thinking aobut you and you dont even know that im talking aobut you, i bet you would never agina think that i like u like that, bc ur happy wiht him,
agian , not agian.
this sucks.
nwo its bad bc im having a conversation wiht me
myself and
i.
and no one is winning.

Missing

The choices that lay with me every night are one that I made and now must live with, I’m still working on making my bed with them but I’m getting there. It’s a battle that’s going uphill as the rules of society close in and as I feel one way and my life dictates another. It’s a battle that I am going to win bc its my life and I can live with one semi unhappy moment but not 2, I thought it was what I wanted but I miss my passion far too much. I need theater in my life or ill go over the deep end and there’s no comfy ending at the bottom.
How to save a life
I’m in no condition to save another life but I am looked to, to do such actions. For those who want me consider thus for a moment, do u need me or are you to retarded that you can’t do it yourself? Can you fix it yourself or do you need my magic touch, now if u need me then I am completely open to aid you. But I can guarantee you that I will hurt, for the broken glass of truth has many sharp edges and it cuts over and thus again. I would love to help people but how can I help others when I can’t help myself, I dish out advice like a bread line and yet I can’t break it myself?

Ps as this maybe a bit blunt, it is the truth and it is what I speak, pros and cons.

Hate

Now im no relgious nut, and i preceive no true power to tell you how to live your life but what i am is real. i am a man, hella flawed but real and i have a voice and a fist, both in which i will use today.
there are genuine fml moments then there are i ahte my life moments, only one of which can be described as real and other fake.
most fml's are those things we as a people do throughpout the day that are stupid and or funny. they are to be expressed then forgotten
but to say you hate your life, now that just pisses me off.
maybe this is jsut me but i like to ahve fun and try to lvie, which is debatable as im going through something at the moment but thats a different story. you hate it so much, do something, get off your lazy ass and change it. dont stand idly and being a nonsubject of america, go fucking celebrate and live, know what it feels liek to be alive adn young. dont ley petentions hold you back, its a no bars world and you will need to fight it u want to get high on the totem. now stop being fucking retared and look around your world and look beyond, cant see get fuckign glasses, there is more out there, more people actually suffering now dont you feel liek shit now go back to studinying because your preparing for a cynical future and your not preparing for your dream job becaue tis a waste of tiem so jsut sit in a cubicle till you die then well burry you in it, so

peace, ahve fun.
live life, dont let it rule you
and
remember to take your own advice, now move the hell on.

Dreams that explore a smaller mind

As the wind blows in the back door, through the screen it whips the feeling of relaxation, and as the young Rocky sleeps his little curly tail not only unravels but beging to wag at a fairly fast pace for a dog in a sleepy state. My only guess is he is dreaming of laying on a soft silk couch, eating all his favorite food, which is about everything, and never getting sick and being rubbed all over. Now thats the life he wants, and the life he gets isnt too far from that. but none the less my doggie sleeps soundly, crushing the pillows on the couch and wags his cute tail dreaming of cows and napping in the sun while he is napping and dreaming in the sun.

?

what is it, the attempt that counts or is that not even worth it as 2 people die on that August sunset? can such actions from previus men of the same clone be forgiven by the women who stands amongst the hills overlooking the future.
can one day will i be by her side, is it possible that ill see her shingin face again.
just the exchange of words from her lips to mine ears would be able to lift this demon from the fires
will the angel of jane be able to save me from a certain fate before the walls ahve fallen around us and all thats left is jsut holding tighlty?

the story below is an example, is it jsut to try knowing that deat is right there, unavoidable.
fore the man that tried to save, adn succeded, in saveing the women, was without teh ability to swim, so he sank.

sin or truth

The man wishes to save the drowning women.
The man is pushing himself to save the women; he faces realities that hit him harder than the waves,
“Fuck it”
The man cries out and he’s slowly pulled under.

Prespecting the week to come

I forsee cups overfilling, staggering from left to right, long walks around a curvy shape, fine dining on crisp evenings, stuck in a hotel from the prearranged requirnments, the smell of the theater wiht no entertainment to coem with. Mexican food served hot n fresh, tan skin filled with tan, never burns. the oens you love, never hating on each other always fun filled days, and grounded by school.

theft

so i stole something today, actually i stole something less than 10 minutes ago, the will. the will to seek the deeper meaning of things, the will to penetrate a persons armor they put up so the world doesnt know the real them, so they wont get hurt. this will exposes it, brings forth the true nature of things. but the counter affect it has brings forht the beast inside of you, and in the true nature of the beast it has many forms, gluttony, ravengous, freedom, the warrior and the viking. all to be feared but dont let them fool their just in disguise as a stealthy rogue assasian, always sneaking around in the shadows. the equation of all humans, scared of their own shadow, yet they live their scared to show themselves.

did alice have it right?

Seeing you smile can turn the day upside down. make me funble for my footing, only to stumble at your feet. when i see you smile i almsot get happy but i realize that your not smiling at me, your thinking of him.
and the things you do, how HE makes you feel when im not around. hes making you smile, not me, and i never will be able to, not agian. for i fell as alice did, in a world trippin on acid. so keep thinking of him and keep smiling and looking past me, for at least thats one more person that happy on this world, even with all that politicalness around us. the older generations are coming to an end as we are here to pick it up and slap a new face on it and change isnt even the begining.

To feel..

Every Tuesday and sometimes Thursday it comes like clockwork, always the latter part of the day. During the same class, a class that’s fun but with this feeling inside of me I cant focus as well but I fake it and get by, usually by not focusing I can focus and let the time go to the semi splits position.

I feel the pangs of hunger.
I haven’t ate all day and I’m at school, no food and all work.
Society says by now I should have had 2 meals
This is hunger, eating away at nothing but the lining of my stomach.
Im hungry, I haven’t eaten since last night.
Hunger can chew at me like it does third world countries
Im hungry, craving food but I pop another and go on with my day.
It is consuming my inside but I push it aside, knowing I can live a few more weeks without food.
The taste goes lifeless, so I pop round 2 and go on with life.
If It can consume kids late at night, I’ll let it grace my body from time to time.
Round 3 never comes because I’m back home and the feeling disperses whether or not I eat or not.
Pangs returning but dismissing comes quickly and my focus returns to addiction.
Maybe if I drown it in water that exceeds 52 degrees Celsius, maybe its pangs will be to busy trying to survive.
The hunger is gnawing at me, trying to break me down.
Ill add fish to the water, maybe he will be preoccupied with them and not remember me.

Hunger, the hunger trying to escape out into the world of America, where it will find no other vessel to consumer as it does me.

pop the champange

The final countdown nears, but we pop the champagne and have that meal in the shadows of the shining sun, and we ended in a black forest that made the mouth speechless, talk was simple, some past, but more of the what ifs of the summer, only a few months to go. The 3 month time comes and you buy the time for without it there is no escape, damit. Jamming in the bedrock with Mr. Flintstone and the crew of the money, the last run for cover, we got the hell out of the mall and said fuck it, that guy is going down, all we need is one shot. Epic starts the countdown, and we pause for another day, till then, and finally comes the drive, mostly in silent, hell I didn’t know what to say but I did smile and have the light bro hug, till summer my friend, then we will really tear shit up. But the ticket will be bought, the journey traveled and maybe a round 2 will come, but we shall triumph over it.

wednesday

Sun shrapnel scars the chest and legs which inhibits the natural cycle of things, dug in with a bottle green jelly, don’t eat it, we pass idly until we find it, the cure to boredom, Army of 2, perfect game. And our specializations are matched already, sniper and rockets flying across the room decimating the onslaught of pwnage, flamethrowers, hitting the sacks, and getting into those awkward situations. Logged 8 hours of play and the journey ends in the mall. The sleep comes fast and we don’t rise till past ten which is divine. For the next months we will be stretching our lack of sleep to the limit, pushing it more and more till there aint no more.

You say lazy, I call it a simple day, which is what we do.

Mon/crashing-tuesday at 10

as happy i was throughout the day i propose myself rather disapointed.

im a man wiht a semi plan but when we threw the book out the window as we passed the same street twice. it was fine, utc was kool, fining some clothes that could be in my future if i can afford, having chow mein on the curb and swimming wiht the dolphins, search for akon begins and ends at target. i saved this adn now a day later i can say its kool.
i was goign to say i was sad about how we ddint get to the beach but we did in fact see the devil and we denied him and obsolved it all and punished the wicked. but yesterday, monday was hotter and if we stayed the same time waht we both bear, pedro more than myself would b far worse. to sum it up, rudolph is sick so santa talk to haddarr about leading his sleigh tonight. and im only a little red but its still achy oh well. its what we get for messing somethign up. but
i deem
The Collector worht a watch, its from the producers of saw, but its almost more of a hostile style sawish cat n mouse, anyway, grab your girl and watch it, adn remember to hug and PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDING WHEN UR COMING HOME AND MAKING OUT, so before you go at it, check it out homes. there may be some creeper all silent creeping up on ya waiting to catch your boyfrind is 8 bear traps. but now ill yiled to rest, maybe and ill write tomorrow about what we do wiht chest scared of red, maybe the other bros more of a scarlet chest, its whatever. oh we witness the boogeyman, a reminder of what was, and a constant dinging of the first, thanks PXTN. sorry but sometimes its a gain adn a loss, but life goes on with or wihtout yourt special moments.

early morning riser....fml

so already today i have born witness to an incrediable choice,
a- stay in bed, knowing all too well that i could have slept for another hour or 2 even, for the sleep fairy had heavily dusted my eyes and it remained still,

or
b- be a good boy and take out the gd-trash,....i beleive we all know that i made the wrongful mistake by taking the garbage out....fml repeadily
so naturally after i realized it could be a little nippy in the little clothing i had, i tried to score some sleep adn was rewarded wiht a dawg, in both tenses, that needed in my bed and then proceded to growl obsenities in my face till i let him out, or her pending if hes being a bitch. so i grabbed a shower to complete the waking up proocess. adn here i am. but i have coem from a brilliant day, a day filled with beaches, a bro, and way too many bikinis for just 2 men to conquer. adn dam those tacos were good, at sea side but the circles of hell were adn are undescriable, thats another story, but thats yesterday, today ill try on then pass to you

so its 2

2 in the mourning rolls by as im cashing gold and practicing playing with the economy. sleep is slowly tugging at me liek the girl pulling the boy to the dancefloor, still thinking of her and what it would feel to dance wiht her, prob like dancing on a cloud and never going down, but hell we will see where my mind ends up. 80 tomorow looking forward to sweat and change colors like a chameleon.

Dash round II

I’m going to put you under, no honey this aint the break up scene, this is the beginning, this is the epilogue of 2 lovers.
Love is the start and it’s not going to hurt, just calm down for I know you’ve been broken before. I’m here to pick up the pieces and put them together like a jig saw, when I couldn’t even put humpty dumpy back together.
Even with the help of all those knights there, I couldn’t do it, so some things are meant to be broken, others need to be fixed.
Ill put ya up like the great wall, working day n night, just to make you feel safe.
Ill master the Eiffel tower to prove my love and devotion.
Id sail around the world for her but I could never leave the docks because I couldn’t go that long without you.
So id sail around you, and that would be just fine and probably better, never hurting you like all the others have done in the past, no history is done repeating itself with you and pain. Ill introduce you a new trend that’ll forever change the course of it all.

Friend ship vs.…more

That line, nowhere to hides
Out there in the world is that line that no one can see but we feel its pressure very day, every brush of the hair behind that girl beautiful face, every smile that means more than it shows, all the talk of truths and dreams. With every laugh, and illusion of one but not the other, it’s a one sided story and it’s a duet missing its half, but its only one person will notice until the truth moves out of the shadows and step forward into the light, soaking it all up.

The line, it’s dreaded.

I speak ill of this line for it has, wait, not true, I was going to say it robbed me, it made me crouch in the shadows like a tiger, and hide like the dragon. But now as I recall the thought and almost actions I must confess to myself relief,
Relief that I didn’t whisper the words to this girl because our friendship would have been ruined and to revamp that statement, she’s not in my life now. I try to text but we barely talk, it could b for a million reasons but still, no word so I choose and say I did right by that girl but failed another, one closer to my heart, so close I never even relaxed it until I had almost lost her but no more, not again.
That’s another issue.
Now about this line.
It’s never seen, only sensed and we all know of it but never speak for we don’t want it found out. It’s the line between friendship and more. I’ll let you decide what u really want to call it but you get it, without me having to say this, without me having to spell or rather type it out for you,

so where do you fall?

Or do you even know? I doubt it because you’re not willing to take the risk, well go fucking suck it up and spill the truth. Stop hiding it,
Me, yes I’ve had this event happen, but do I regret not taking my own advice, no. for I’ve found a girl who is defined in the dictionary as perfect, but hell that’s just me. I’ll fight for her and in the end I can hope I win but I can’t force her, so it’s her choice. So, I leave it up to you, the truths have been spoken, hugs given, lips touched and the rest we shall find out.

1259

so its pretty much one in the morning, so plz dont be offened by my spelling which can somehow gets worse the later i get but only if i type. if i write i rarely spell anytihng wrong, prob some irony in there but im too tired toi find it and debate about it wiht myself, bc who the hell would want to debate that, in all honesty. well a few sentences i ahd a point i had, a point i was going to amek but somehow it got lost in this ruble, maybe it was aobut marriage lies and political scandals, or about mew vs luiga, or maybe about what i need to do the next few days, who knows. itll come to me at a random time and ill forget, but now i dont even know what im rambling aobut but it actualy feels good to rant becasue thats is my fav thing to do in writing and somehow through all my rants and random Sh**t something amazing comes out, a beautiful ensemble of words that dance around you and do the electric slide on your tongue and bitch slap your senses till theri fully awake fore thay have doozed far too long and they needed it, idk how all that happend but it does and thats how my essays in my ap class got written, adn they were good, def good enough to get a 5 on the test but when your staring at 5 correct multiple choice questions, that i feel is the real stumper, so take a pick, grab a number adn flip a coin and realize its time for bed. so brush your teeth, prep yourself for nothing and slide into bed and congrats if your ahve a partner, im still undecided if your doing something right or if im doing it wrong but hell, ill take my drug anyday adn dance into a acoma, never to awaken but finally being full happy adn loving evey minute of it, so for my fairwell for now, PEACE FOLKS. till another day or night late/early in the day(however you see it) so ahve fun and be who you are, dont push it for something or someone else, they will realize sooner or later what they want or need, and heres the part where i dont take my own advice, but hell tis my life adn ill cry if i want oo, im not of course but it sounded liek it fit there, like a computer in this generation, so finally good night, lol as if someone is actually reading this, but its still fun.

Torn between 2 worlds, and the winner is, never you.

Scarlet letter branded upon your chest, the sins lie the hallways of you past actions. God has seen you, the devil has tasted you, yum. The angels save you while the demons eat you, all while you go towards the light while the darkness engulfs you.
Torn between the 2, its never been your choice just your journey, testing you since you spoke you first word. Tempting you while trying to save you, gluttony, lust and greed are ever so easy compared to valor and honor. You pray for the rain so you can stay inside with her but all you get is a handful of ash and a shiver. Living life is hard enough but knowing ever move you make will put you either in a giant frying pan where the heat never ends or a cloud of white and as soft as silk with her beside you. Your doing good, not fucking up because you love her too much but you never want to leave her so now you have to be a moral example so you can go with her to the clouds. She, as sweet as sugar and as smart as Einstein, how did she ever cross your path, an angel from god, a reward for all the good, despite his adversities and challenges and false hoods. You could be in heaven for all you know.

Fast forward till death greet them both.
Filled with white light starting down upon the globe that he once inhabited, now he has a view that only gods own. Laying upon the silk that is white he ponders where his wife is; he taps Gabriel in the shoulder and unloads his grief and curiosity. He points yonder, down, beneath the crust of the earth in a boiling vat where she is being burned for the first of many times. He lets loose a rivers of tears thinking of Justin, and how. God responds with this verse
She was a victim of crushing immoral,
She turned to the streets, and clawed her way up,
Making her way to management
Until she found you, she didn’t own the clothes you first saw her in,
She was stealing them, and in the process
She stole your eyes and money, but she couldn’t
now she’s suffering for what happened to her and what she reaped upon
the others, of so many lives she saved,
and destroyed, in the sinful manner.

Beaten and broken he stared down like all the others before.

Actions precede words as the young lovers become intertwined.

Parents look but don’t see, they listen but don’t understand, the truth us muttered and lies are all that’s heard.
Will the world listen to a couple of star crossed lovers?
Is violence the only way to get your memo on the president’s blackboard?
Is a angry protest legal, yes it is, then why do the police come and force the people to turn their backs on their cause, their belief, why are we herded like cattle away from what we believe, why is a protest illegal now when the forefathers wanted these incidents to occur? This is what they want and they are tossed in a jar and sealed, shifting all the oxygen out.
Will the world listen to a couple star crossed lovers?
Will the government listen to the commonwealth, why not? Because we don’t pay for your fancy dinner parties then sneak in, why? Where is the government going, I want to know, hell I bet Washington would love to know.
Its not what it use to be and the more it changes the farther away we get from what we say we are.
We preach false lies of typicality, then blame each other because of our belief system, why? Bc one god has to be stronger, do you think the gods have death matches to see who’s stronger, nay, they have meetings where they sit and talk and debate the world, each brining what they know, they don’t blow people up, they walk away if it gets too strong, we walk toward the crowd with a bomb strapped to our chest and get praised in the afterlife or so we think, I bet that god beats down that person for going vigilante.
We say one likely hood and mean the opposite, why, because humans lie.
And as for the star crossed lovers, it’s a mixture of love and violence just to see the peace in the hazy mist, just ask Jules.

Jane, the ecstasy of choice

Its been over feel years and that tingling feel returns any and every time I’m around her, talk to her or even text.
I’ve gone way too many months with it and I know I never want that feeling to leave, ever.
Its time to know what your drug of choice is and ill take it when I want. Ill od on it and go into a feverly land where anything is possible. Where I want to stay and live the rest of my life with that feeling always strong and never fading.
It makes me feel
And that’s with the world,
She’s my ecstasy and I aint going to stop poppin till I drop
I’ll shoot up and ill get so high with her that’ll it will take a year to fall back to earth, a realm where it doesn’t makes sense, so ill light up and get back going to a different where it makes sense and its all worth it, I’ll fight for what I want and I’ll get it bc she’s worth the feeling.

Is what tis is

Thunderous waves of past month whimpers in the shadows of the waves earthquake season.
A whole world’s ocean connected, so with an uproar there, makes it a slap in the face here
Clearing the 9 foot limit to be seated sign on this ride, a ride of the ocean life.
Winds rising while constant changes after.

Drawing crowds to the riptides while grandparents watch grandchildren being dragged underneath then resurface while going down a typhoon of cascading water breaking the law of gravity, but no arrests will be made for with a station underwater it’d only add to him.

The sweet notes play the lullaby while Spiderman is slowly disappearing, runner pass by the observers of life, thinking about why,

Diversity,
It’s what a beach is.

Paranoia

paranoia

1128

i rarely ever sit down and write directly into a blog, i type it in word then copy.paste it, but ill cut out that process.

i havent heard the voice of heaven for nearly a week adn i want to know why, is she busy, too tired, is she with him, is she doen wiht me, does she want me out of her life, i dont know.

i wish she tell me

flakes of grey

Let the ash fall from the sky,
Let it streak your face with gray smudges,
Let the ash fall from dark clouds,
Let the world know your terror,
Let loose your voice upon the world.
Let the ash fall from the heavens
Let the ash serve as a warning to humans,
Let it serve as a warning to us, to know that change is coming,
That what is going to occur will rock the earth for years, the angles and
Demons have eyed each other.
For the last time
Top vs. bottom, with the sake of humanity stuck in between, but when all this is just a jest,
When the dust settles, angles will have fallen and demons lay slain, but go and his sons
Will be waiting,
Still.
Lucifer will keep the secrets of hell for,
Another day.
Both moving mere pawns first, one at a time, nothing drastic,
And on time will go,
And the war pushes on,
Waging and ravishing,
Their only battlefield.

But we keep on, advancing, every piece of technology, we keep believing,
We keep praying,
We keep bowing,
We keep fearing,
We stay faithful,
Till the day

You, its always you

And just like that her voice gone like the smoke in the wind.
Never to be heard from again, temptation, lust and beauty controlling me into hells endeavors.
The thought of you still plaguing my mind like the England rats, festering.
What I want, out of reach, or just another mirage but I’m not in a desert, maybe another trick of the mind and body, but what’s the secret?
Nobody knows but I want to know, I want to know.
Why do you pop into my life then vanish like a temptress, why?

Why me dear, what did I do, why choose me? Why leave me stranded?

Never mind, your gone and I’m talking to a wall.
Committed four months later because I thought you were back, now cant you stay, so I can get out of this jacked? Its too tight and not my style.
Tell the world, so I can walk free with you or without you, your choice, its always up to you because I’m at your disposal.

Her, simply complicated

Screams echoing off the walls while a man lay twisted in love and thought.
That ol time pimp plays piano and sings of love and lady luck, whose in disguise as lady lust blowing on some other guys dice, making the once dashing look like a fool.
Just 2 of us, only counting on ya, always there to help me and slap me into focus, and our decisions are based on past mistakes but talking it out while we are gambling away always helps and we feel better, better than any pill, or drug that could take us higher, but we shall stay grounded as we are running from Jason, penny, teeth, the bogeys mans first kiss, the taste of steel to flesh, Freddy, the 4 horsemen and Mr. warden.
But the adventures are far from over, now the world is an open world playground and we are just commencing. You’re their bro, she’s weaving like a spider, in and out of my reality, and she tells me Im the one for her and I cant help but hear her say that particular line to a different fellow in the room. So I don’t know if I should be happy in the fast that she loves me, but im weary when she lies with him, not texting me back.
For I believe, I the once love have been deemed fool after I let the truth spill forward like the waters of the past for once they have been churned up the waters are hard to clear.

For we don’t know what path to walk but tis life that we take one and that one of us is happy and the other not. But we will be there to help, slap the face, pull the one down back up then go out and hunt

Her choice

I have written about how she’s not speaking to me for whatever reason, shoe doesn’t return my texts and I dare not call, for I care too much and I want to know that she’ll be in my life for years to come, always telling me what to do and me wiping away her tears.
Idk where we stand, but I want to because I’m that type of guy, I think all the time and with no word from you, the possibilities are dead ends but I want to see a road behind that block.
If I have to ill burn it all down and walk across the ash to the other side even if I have that gut wrenching feeling that I wont like what ill find on the other side of that burning ash.
If I have to ill climb over it for a better view bc I need to know. Not knowing is worse than knowing whether or not you like it but that’s me, not knowing so we will see how it is with us, hopefully.

Being a writer has its skills,
Bc if I don’t like the ending ill fight for what I can’t till I’m happy with you then ill rewrite the ending of me and her. Im just a fighter with a pen at my disposal but ill use it to get the job done.

A rose by any other name, shall still smell just as sweet, and a debater who beats another,
Smiles.

other blogs

i just spent a little bit explorign this whole big world of blogspot and found some that interested me and or i could help and relate too. it was actually fun becasue you always think that your the only one feeling this way and that no one could possibly understand you but withing a different realm, there in lies others that have felt the pain, the sting life. From joy, love, friendships, to rejection, loss and that gaping hole inside you, its jsut something that most people go through at one point or another and as for me this is how i deal with it. i write it out, maybe not spelled correctly or wiht teh right punjaction but you get the genereal idea. writing is how i express what is on the inside, doing this helps so much then as a back up plan so i dont burst, ranting to a friend helps also, but hey maybe thats just me.

dash through history, round one

This is a very crazy combo of things, love, rapping and history all rolled into one. so...enjoy


I don’t want to go another 9 hrs without seeing you, sleep is for the weak and ill be the strong willed.
I don’t need to dream of you any more, your right next to me
Wait, freeze frame, lets start from the beginning, rewind.
My whole life I’ve been fronting this act of confidence and perfection. But its all a fraud like IBM.
Making statements like direct deposits, there never really there. I’ve been chilling in the bog with the crocs and snakes but that don’t prevent me from snogging like snoop doggy dawg.
My whole life has been lived without you, like humans and their greed. I want you included with me like that insurance that covers you and me, the house and the benze in the garage. Because we both fit together like that jigsaw puzzle of our dreams together.
I don’t know how I got along without you when without you I was trippin and not realizing it, all those times I fell I thought it was a joke being pulled on me but in reality it was you pushing and pulling me to figure out it was you.
I should have realized that when my nose itched, that it was you thinking bout me not some allegory of how it was an allergy.
Lies, lies, darkness into light
Blinding at first but once I got the taste I couldn’t have enough, I wanted more, I wanted it all and it all was you.
For I lit up on the world’s stage and you were the only one I saw, im just a back stage techie, running round half shirtless. Sweating and trying to get from point A and light it up. Commanding minions, being the superior yet still lean and not mean but rather at ease, so soldier, chill at rest, this aint the world, its theater!
You’ll get yelled at more, less reason and even if it’s a comedy you’ll get more drama from those actors, pretending to be someone thing then another and finally forgetting who you are, lockes slate for you is so jumbled that you can’t tell who you are, so you go on lost like a pup, until your picked up by a stranger who oohs over you then abandons you since the parents said no bro.
Lost and found wont take ya so let the world mold you until you cant take it no more, throw downs in the pit.
Toughing you up while tearing you down, and forcing you to stand at attention only to be kicked at by the monarch, so kick back and kick the king out, take the princess and slice the wedding cake like the atomic bomb with the same result darling.