Misty, fondest memories

She has eyes like a california sunrise
everythign you need is right there, beauty wrapped up into one women
who says god cant get somethign right
she has aphrodite written all over her but shes a hidden gem, the best there is
she aint no hoe, thats fo sho
i remember the days
in class
dramatizing it all
lighting up, not realizing shes the only light i need for my world, a one fixture wonder
didnt knwo it, it extends
a cross dressing cheerleader is the spawn
a sexy Senator
a prized ferensicator
a friend,one that i....
i slept far too ling, i woke up late to her sounds
our mixmatched fun on my ending parade
the first kiss
in her car, her lips so sweet i was a diabetic before the end of the night
after our dance a thon
its those days that stay adn the rest becoem a blur
i have never been good with timing
but that dress she wore, purple i beleive
kissing on the couch
seeing her smile, the smile and eyes that lit/light up and melt every political matter, nuclear winter away and its only us
stadning together, thats all that ever mattered
her laugh like sound in its purest form
graduation party day was unforgetable
the suhsi set
spending the night wiht her
kissing in the basement
knowing every kiss before those were wasted

Misty

i had a dream
a dream that i woke up to a beautiful girl, one like you Misty
and it was only a dream a fantasy, because i woke up
I had a nightmare
a night terror where i never woke up next to you
i got every women in the world beside you and they all had one flaw
they weren't you.

So who's Misty
Idk. I only know one Misty, and shes from the TV show Pokemon. She is the second gym leader. But this girl is real, very real. her kiss is like drama class with a mix of cross dressing cheerleaders and a sprinkle of passing the torch. I passed my candle to her, it was always her, and i would not take it back for the world. The only world i need is hers.

I miss you

i want you so close i can hear your heartbeat
i want to be able to see your hand on my breast as my chest
goes up and down, expanding with the life and oxygen of you.
i want to slow dance with ya in an empty room
with no music playing
but our souls will be leaping and toppling

i want to slam dance with you to the sounds of Just like Juliet, and while she checks yes ill be Romeo,
ill keep the car running for a dashing escape
ill parade silently into the night
scale a balcony and risk my life
just for you
too hear your voice
see your face
all for you
and i don't know why
my heart is the puppet master and the body is just the puppeteer and ill do whatever ya say and as the master does but i know i don't mind as long its for you
what is Love
whats beauty
i don't know on the first but the second is you, the way you smile
the technique you use to pull the hair behind your ear, to get it out of your eyes
the way she walks, her bubble is expanding and it engulfs all around her, lifting all spirits at the same time

Christmas

Im seeing a white christmas
unliek the one I ahve been in
I am in a cold christmas day, enveloped all day and shivering up to my brow

Im waking up early
to try and get a look at the loot
even though im 20, nearly 21

Im seeing a white christmas, white sand is all around me

Im cold, as the fog front moves in off the ocean

I am waking up early to the sounds of children outside my bedroom window, oh so early
but i cant help but make a smile at the sound of their enjoyment. They got roller blades and there jsut having fun

Im gettin up early to go to work,
the old days of me getting up early to wake the family are fading, more real life is interjecting.

but its all good, christmas was so amazing this year, the day, the gifts, the food and the family and its not voer yet.

San Diego's 33 prez

Its going on 2 years and im speeding towards my net hoop that life is making me jump through.
Ive paid my debt of CCC and now I want to move on and get the hell out of the system thats is merely an extension of High School, i want the real deal, a 4 year college or University.
I have no idea if my path goes on in San Diego or if it curves else where?
thats where im at right now
San Diego State
Truman
or all the way back UNL

SD with all its bullshit and rules, oh how they are so high compared to any other school in the country, early deadlines, certain classes checked off by this date and not that later date, thansk counselor. thanks a flowery bunches ya bitch.

hey theres more blame so ill take that shell aginst my flesh, ya i could have doen more, but whos that picky, and why does it matter?

so the fractions are stacking against me on this sunny shore line

what about the wintery log cabin wiht friends, ya friends, what are those?
i havent had any in a while, so im losing my contact wiht humanity and im slipping in who the hell knows.
its jsut a place i dont want to be.

if i go to the 33 presidents house of operations i think ill be happier, pretty sure. have a clsoer quarters with humans so there will be oppertunity to talk and meat.
they have my majors but can i get in to such a high endowed school, will it take a 20 something white boy from cali crawling back to the place he knew so well, why did i leave runs through my mind like flashcards and in the end i had too.

i dont knwo what im doing anymore, im a shell adn im being run like the grab machine at the arcade.

i want to be back in my own body, exp life and go out every night, and still get through school wiht others trying to do the same thing, i am tired of doing it all alone, will i make my brotheres mistake or will i find the key to my brothers happiness.

god i hope its the secodn one, im tired of it out here, there are no white vans to jump into, always a 420 party going on and thats all i hear about. do they do anything else, prob not. its legit out here

hell maybe i should jsut conform and lose myself in the smoke and see my future unclear and laugh it all away, spill out my money like the organs in my body.

whats money?

the thing we all chase for, greed, sin 1, its in all of us. is it to not worry about it, pile a little debt pay it off later, work my ass off every summer, seems like a fair deal, the one Truman asked congress for, how ironic

im truman asking my congress, i need to cabnet for some help before i address em of course.

live in the moment
i fail in this msot days
i play games, and live through them
i write of others, and about life unedited
i fail to truley acknowledge the other billion people on this planet, whens that change coming, we voted for it so where is it

a comm major afraid to talk
a communicative disorder major, afraid to talk

which makes more cents?

Im playing me some ski ball!!

i play with the world's economy like I'm in an arcade.
I'm popping quarters into the game and out spits the tickets
I'm playing Space invaders and The Political Agenda
I'm destroying the NBA with my skillz in basketball and I'm recking world records for the fastest
I shoot planes out of the sky like a children dream boats, and they sinking like the Titanic
The fight for survival has begun but no one is really playing
we all go bout our daily tasks, whether in peace or war
its the same for the common man

why cant we all get along, maybe just enough to not NUKE this one planet over culture and peoples nerves. its all a silly game, lets work in harmony and play tough but lets live semi side by side, maybe we need the ocean to separate us, putting us in different corners like teachers use to do.
its a free world so lets hug it out and get along with our business
why do we have more ways to destroy humans that we do talking to em
hell if i know
I'm sick of it
I'm tired about hearing about the body count stacking up for some other country pissing contest of who's who.
let em decide, and if they want to cross a line that we set for em, then we bitch slap em into submission.
deal or no deal

we could do so much good but we take a dive into the shadows and evils that humans cant resist,.............

Is this my attitude because I'm an American, or does the world share this view?
i Hope its the second view, because its the better of the 2, and it means I'm not alone, i hate being alone, but the ironic part is that I have never been more alone in my life. We all do, so what to do,...........

Whats next?

Whatever will happen next?

Will i fly?
when will i discover the treasure?
Will i die?
what will happen to my body?
is the water cold, will i drown?
will i have the courage to make the leap of faith?

I dont know, and I never will know, none of us will.

thats the problem wiht dreams, they dont continue into the next night liek a picture book, though many of us wish they did.
i sure do sometimes, though my dreams are far from and farther apart.
for me its like a chapter a month, very far apart. how i long to have a story develop in my mind and then i repeat it in words to my blog for the world to imagine.
and oh how they roads could stretch forth from all the variant directions that we as humans take adn bring to the table.
there will be a spin on my dream to your life and then new stories will be renewed in the ashes like the bird of fire.

Routine

Routine, muscle memory
can really suck. yes this is another negative rant on how i am on a break and still i can unable to sleep in. Maybe its becasue i am use to waking up early, i am getting enough sleep or perhaps its the wet dog in my bed. That i have to lift into my bed every morning, that might be one of the many causes. oh well, maybe i dont need the rest, i guess i can start my day early and try and be productive.
also, i lvoe my dog, hes a pretty ballin pug.

but to routine, my ipod touch died last night so when i awoke this morning i felt incomplete in chunk by the fact that i always check my email and facebook from the touch.
i felt almsot victumized that i ddint do something at the start of my day, bc i still am waiting on a final paper to be graded so i keep eagerly checking that out and my hopes again and again are being shot down by teh "airborn toxic event." yes, the paper was on Don Delillo's White Noise, not a bad book. It kept my interest and it wasnt as fucking depressing as our previous books, dicated to read. it was random and a bit weird, like me. lol

the first 2 books were so weird, and sad, Lolita and Reading Lolita in tehran.
not bad books but the subject matter always brought me down, and im a pretty level person and even a happy person, so i was kept tethered to teh ground for a while.

ill start something new/borrow an idea
Question of the day, or of the blog

whats your routine that you cant stop or one that you want to start?

run in the wet park

cool air surrounds me as i go out on a drive in a BC age car.
im in luck for i cant see my breath but the air has an edge to it and thats what make it perfect.
so as i make my leaps and bounds i gain ground adn momentum, and my first dash is a great one.
but when was the last time
you sat on a park bench and let the world become your tv?

you sat on a swing and feel the rush of the wind as you gained speed and got higher and higher, ya i bet its been awhile.
its almsot liberating to be at a park, alone. it brings a serentiy to you
then the sound of your feet as you land in the sand as you fly off

the walk home brings curious sights, a little boy walking his doeg wiht his sister, holding a gamestop bad, prob for another sibling but maybe for a parent.
sleating rain hits my face as i approach the last straightaway, i wipe my face before my last dash.
key slides in doors, and i hit the inside of the door and bend over, not tired, releived and energized in that mad run away way.

Death equilivant

Trying to fall asleep is like death
when your not tired it feels likfe forever till sleep creeps on ya
your on the brink but laying there, eyes clsed, wrapped in blankets head face down feel like your forcing something, like trying too hard. with only your breathing to keep you company you never know when
your waiting for something that may or may not come, and its all too reminscent of death.
you know its there, its out there, around every corner, under every street, every step you walk could be your last but most of the time it isnt.
you may be thinking your Superman but your more of a Clark Kent
(sorry, i cant do 4 yous in a row)
its out there, it always is,
that stained breath in the middle of July,
a cough of blood,
the hair standing up on the back of your neck, its him. its all him. he watches over us, like god but wiht less love and more of a mandatory need.
so sleep soundly and peacefully knowing hes there but know your time,
he will reap when clock ticks zero, not a second before.
hey, least your never alone.

Run Wet n Free

A weekly garbage take out escalates to a rush
the winds whipped about me, lightyl and gently, the temp def above freezing and yet they had that tinge of chillness to them which i greatly approve of.
and the rain was coming down, only one God was crying, it was light like a sprinkle but it was a bit more.
Im sorry to smile while others cry but it was too perfect, i strolled the can to the curb, then i wiped my drizzled face wiht a semi dry sleeve, just like i would in the bathroom, after splashing water on my face.
and it brought the same rush, a new feeling, a freshness that only the water can bring.
so i wiped my face then i stared up at the sky, knowing it should be dark but i can clearly see the shopping center over the trees and houses, illuminated by there mass of light, it was a light, like the sun falling from the sky, jsut without all the passion.
so i soaked up some of the sprinkles and i took off, not like a rocket but at a jog, and i went round the circle of house that encrusted our neighborhood
i didnt stop till i was on the straight away to my house and i didnt catch my breath, for it was always wiht me and it was mere seconds before i took off and ended at the house, locking the gate behind me.
every step i took echeod in the water puddles and evrything seemed so unreal, it was a silent night save my footsteps and the rain, nothing stirred, save for the mouse.

bamboozled

the title says it all whoever is reading this.

finals are done
no early classes
no school till late January

so what do I do?

How do i configure my body to stop wakin up at 8?
is there a switch?
is so, please contact and let me know, it is much appreciated.

But back to the main problem
as i lay in bed trying to plan my day, thinking of things that i need to do, my mind is an empty as the other side of my bed.
its so weird to have nothing you NEED to do.
an entire semester i always had to do something, whether it be math, math, comm, english or a bit of poly sci and to drop it all at the door and walk into a house of freedom is as complex as quantum physics yet as simple as a leave blowing top the dance of the wind.
what do i do in this sitch?

Thanks, BM

lines etched into glass
scratches made with credit cards reflect a blur from quick and precise motion
sweeping swipes, like widened brooms that sweep up all the dust and particles
a vacuum in their space, a black hole that appears green.
inhalation and bodies tossing back dirty blond hair, wild in the air as it lands on the couch in a heap
waiting
waiting the rush
they trickle their way into the bloodstream, hit the brain
rush meets expectations
and the dance lights come alive and speak to you in foreign tongues
you stare bug eyed at the wonder of the world
suits see em as scum, scum sees em as normal.
do druggies see the world better than the norm?
Do they have a certain appreciation that we, the mass, seem to lack and grasp?
After all Nature is suppose to be beautiful and if you can see that beauty more vividly then isn't that a wonderous act itself?
Wouldn't that be like a religious man looking and seeing heaven, letting it sink in, taking in the beauty, and loving it so much more.

The world through different eyes is still the world.

The world will never change but your own perception will change everyday, so who do you trust, the world or your own eyes?

College Finals

I crash at midnight knowing my first final is in less then 10 hours, whatever, big deal.
as my head hits the pillow and i slide into REM sleep a test stirs me from my bearish slumber, its Johnny, asking what time the final is.
930
yes I'm sure
and i realize its 6 30 in the fucking morning, what the hell. why is he up even. uggg
so i flip and bury my face into my pillow and drown everything things out and i go on to have some dream about peppermint ice cream, so weird considering My favorite kind is cotton candy.
so 730 rolls around, i get up, and put Rocky, my puggie, in my bed for his morning bath and jump in the shower. when I'm done i make breakfast which usually is a sign the world is ending because i don't eat much less make food in the morning hrs. but the egg and juice was good none the less.
i check the time, 815, so I have a good 30 mins to study and leave.
i collapse into my brown chair, the same one that i am typing this from
random
and go over the principals of group communication, all 50 terms and theories, I go line by line to reading the page over adn over again. I look at the time and
holy tomatoes batman, its 858 and i need to brush my teeth and drive there, so i do all that and veer out the door, run to my car and as i drive to school, behind the slow car and hitting every light i ponder this,

would he believe me if i told him the reason i was late was because i was studying??
all my senses tell me, hell no, but if all else fails.
i pull into school and realize the parking lot is drastically reduced and almost scary but i am still in time so i take a breath, exhale and repeat for the rest of my life.
915, i walk to class and talk amongst my group about our presentation and how unfair it was, the teacher is just casually sitting up front, hes a awesome guy,
930 boom da boom its time
but not just yet, he wants us to go over the semester and help him become a better teach, so as we talk for 30 mins the test answers r slowly sliding out of my brain and waltzing out the door, yes these answers can dance and also tango for a set price.
but we finally get to it he give his warning

if i see/hear your phone it will be gone. if its a beep, or vibrate you will get a 0.
if you want to avoid that, just bring it up here and its a safe zone, it can do whatever and you will be fine.
So me being smart and not wanting to fail a 200 point test, turn my phone off and take the battery out. ha ha beat that bitches.

almost the entire class empties their pockets of their tru loves, and they all hit that table with a dull thud, weighing in on all our lives.

test commences and we are all bust concentrating than it comes on, this song

and my response is hell no, i don't want you, Mrs. Test. I want a legal divorce and i want the kids and you can have the pain. but tit just blares out and its a very legit awkward silence as we consider the song. and then it comes, from the grave
my phone starts ringing, extremely loud, oh no.
The teacher comes and takes my test and wont believe me when i show him my phone and battery, in separate hands. I'm falling down and i cant get up.

I wake up, i am on my floor with a blanket around me, and my dog looking down at me like WTF, and it hits me, I had a fucking nightmare about a test.
My 730 alarm clock goes off, my dog barks and I silence the beeping.

Smells

The smell of an everyday object can have such a interesting flashback.
and some of your fav smells can be the worse for you or your health and memory.
the smell of cigarettes and mint gum and wraped up in the memory convusing ex.
the smell of a freshly cleaned jacket, but it remind you of something, nto the flowery meadows liek tis suppose too but the same ex, and her house. all those years ago, the tiem spent and lives lsot. but id never take it back, never ever.
fresh cut grass reminds me of the open air, not closed in cities.
the aroma of fresh cookies, or sweet candy or cotton candy at school
brigning me back to the girls i use to and longed to chase.
the perfume on the neck, laced wiht drugs that i dotn know the names of, that call to me, bring me forth to a maze halfway across the world

No one

No one sees her
nobody sees her dance down the halls through with no ipod in, just her imagination motioning her body
or the way she twirls her pen when she gets stuck on a problem
the way she dances at school organized functions, all random and choppy but harmoniously
or all the silly things she does at parks, like taking the swing for a ride, like we all did before we could drive and thought of life entered us
no one knows that she has glasses. she thinks she looks funny but she has a Liberians sweetness to her, a serenity that cascades over her body like a billowing rapid, shes angelic.
but has a klutziness to her that humanizes her in that godly way.
a female titan among men, among the same souls that hold her back from full filling who she is, a leaders in disguise as a cheerleader, dancer and chess player.
she debates her weekends away rather than forgetting her action like a sorority sister.
she prefers gems that are common yet capture the world in their light, but she is a diamond in the rough capturing eyes of men and women, the twinkle of recognition in us all, the war we will never win but no blood will be shed fore no one truly ees her for who she is.
no one sees the faces she makes in the mirror, or the impersonations she does, the stern teacher, a dramatic prose or a dying monologue but she is far from it all, she is live, she is imbued with it and enchanted with the spirit of the living. a being protected by a force shield from the dead and any ill wishes. shes the one
that we will turn too, the one in charge
she paints you a picture of a different girl when you see her at school but she appreciates all life. she says you cant appreciate life living off a water and yogurt diet, as she snacks on a large chocolate shake, no one sees that side. she lives healthy but has fun, whats the use of it all if ur going to hurt yourself and just end up dying. so live it up, she walks among the parking lot and vies the world through the emerald pools, and smiles at stranger and glances back as a little girl is carried by her mom cries for her dad to stop speeding off with her sister in their only wheelchair, she yells it 3 times and the parents smile and laugh, and her sister glee's in delight as she picks up speed and is trashed by the wind, its the small things that make the puzzle pieces of life.
your my inspiration for writing, your my everyday rainbow that shines brightly and clears my windshield of life so i can no longer see the dirt, but only the good, like you do.
teach by example and they will follow.
she doesn't want others to know she has a sister, she loves, adores and envies her older sister.
her older sis is better than she will ever be, the prodigal sister as it were, the star that shines bright in their parents sky.
the apple of their eye, or whatever fruit, she actually prefers raspberries, something a slot sweeter
just like her, i have heard her kiss is like taking a bite out of raw sugar cane, so sweet and addicting, it leaves you wanting more like that dessert the restaurant that was just too small
but they will never know a piece will never suffice, never ever.
the whole cake is better than any slice, to know her as a whole is priceless compared to your 15 mins of fame with her
but she is not a star of Hollywood but a star of my world
the only one in my entire universe
I'm just a poor schmuck and shes queen of the world, or soon to be
no one knows her dance moves are made up
or she shops discount store for her clothes, but she wants to own a nightlife collection of swanky attire, but she will never change, Kohl's and target will always do, its what worked up to this point. she accessories with rings, watches, necklaces and earring that look coach but the price tag screams Macy's.
shes a world of sexified contradictions and she flaunts it and makes it look good, so good in face the school paper is having a fashion week after her, and a yearly thing in the book, just all for Little her.
she a VIP but her name is unknown, she smiles and gets in
her smile steels my heart to the point, and her face glows like the aftermath of war but no destruction has or will ever touch her body.
she plays sinfully but the angles will adore her for ages to come,
she moves extempersouly around the dance floor as her dress moves spastically around her well endowed tanned thighs, due to its tightness pressed to her own body. the lights are blazing like a fire, roaring up and down and left to right but
she is the only person with a halo around her figure
her curls bouncing and swaying
in a slow motion fashion, shes a screen shot flashed over and over again, every shot is better than the last but still as perfect and equal as the first.
when she walks into a camera on somebody elses the picture will come out fuzzy and blurry
cept save for her, she will be as clear as the day, after a morning rain washed out last night grub.
when she moves it rains glitter, all sparkly it remind you of a fairy tale and a happy ending
with Mr/Mrs charming
i want to know that feeling
she wants to know the feeling too
no one asks her to dance, there all too scared
they will be rejected
her boyfriend will beat em up
(she's single)
someone already asked
none of the above qualify, she goes the club, hits em up and drinks her cosmo with ehr girls who dance regularly with strangers
all she wants to do is dance
she just wants someone to ask her, anyone
she is not shallow, she sees the beauty in anyone
no one sees her cry
I do. i see her as she was meant to be seen. i see her like the God made her, like he saw her in all her shining light and all i have to say is
"would you care to dance my dear?"